WINTER SPRINGS, Fla. — “Anyone that knows me calls this my paint brush,” Jose Belen said with blow torch in hand.

Inside his Winter Springs garage turned studio, Belen is making one of his hand-crafted wooden American flags.

“This is a healing that I hope other veterans can find,” Belen said.

Belen served in the U.S. Army from 2002 to 2005 as a field artillery soldier and gunner. His Old Ironsides armored unit was part of Operation Iraqi Freedom. His mission over the course of 14 months of daily combat was to secure the city of Baghdad and hunt for Saddam Hussein.

“I’ve always wanted to share my story in hopes of anyone that’s out there struggling seeing themselves in me,” Belen said.

The Joker

After his military service, Belen had a successful career as an insurance salesman working for AIG and Farmer’s. But like the Joker mask hanging in his garage, he was smiling on the outside but tormented underneath.

“I nearly took my life a number of times, but in August of 2016, it nearly happened,” Belen said.

Jose Belen’s Joker mask inside his garage/studio in Winter Springs. (Spectrum News/Pat Welter)

Like many veterans, he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder.

“I would have left my daughter without her Daddy, my son without his father, my wife a widow,” Belen said.

The war stories he could tell would be difficult for most to listen to, let alone witness. He recalls taking his daughter to the dentist when she was 6 years old. She wore a dress to school because it was picture day. He laid her flat on an exam table.

But as he looked down, he didn’t see his daughter — he saw the image of a girl who suffered a head shot wound in Iraq. The little girl died in front of him, eyes open, wearing a white dress.

“I remember grabbing my phone and there was a dentist tech there, and I was like, 'How do I not have the worst trigger of my life in front of my daughter, in front of this tech, and scare the hell out of everybody?' " Belen said. “I just turned around and started texting Danielle, my wife. I was like, 'It’s happening.' I was shaking... Tears.”

Belen was haunted by that image. One of the other soldiers in his unit told him he saw that little girl every single day for 18 years.

These are the types of challenges veterans face every day. According to a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs published in December 2020, an average of almost 18 veterans committed suicide every day in 2018. Each year since 2008, the number of veteran suicides has exceeded 6,300.

Numbers like that, combined with his own experience, led Belen to quit his corporate job in 2018.

'Embrace the Suck'

“I told my wife it was almost destiny,” Belen said. “I gave it my all to be in a cubicle, worked hard honorably, all my numbers, never cheated. But I was like, 'There’s something else out there.' ”

So he started a nonprofit focused on ending veteran suicide and giving veterans a reason to live. It's called Mission Zero Actual.

“It's me trying to find my purpose again,” Belen said. “I’ve found that the same drive I had that drove me to serve, and those moments where I would have dove on a grenade to save these children, these women, soldiers whatever. The act of selflessness is still available here, today, in America. ... This is not about politics. I can still serve here in some way.

"All I want to do is to motivate those to look deep within themselves and understand yes, we are going through a difficult time today, but I’ve got to embrace this suck because someday, I may find the light or the light may find me, and I can help someone who is where I was years ago.”

That light came to Belen on Memorial Day 2020. For Belen, the holiday is usually one of dread. The barbecues, the Facebook posts — Belen understands that people want to celebrate, but for a combat veteran, it can be difficult to take. On that particular year, he decided he didn’t want to be angry. An idea came to him as he looked at a wooden American flag that a veteran had given him.

“I just had this thought: How awesome would it be if I could build something?” Belen remembered. He called up a friend to help. They went to a hardware store, got some materials and as soon as Belen started to work, he could tell he was on the cusp of something special.

“When I painted that first red stripe, on my first flag Memorial Day last year, it gave me healing,” Belen said.

Belen has continued making wooden American flags ever since. Some he donates, others are commissioned. All are in the memory of a fallen service member who died while serving or ended their own life due to PTSD.

In June 2020, he founded The Freedom Factory Flag Co.

“I’ve found so much more joy in the flags I build with no dollar or cents attached to them,” Belen said. “As this continues to build, I want to use this as a platform to continue to give back. This can be something that the community can have one day, when I go away.”

The Color Red

As he torches and paints, he always thinks of his best friend, Stuart Moore, and Capt. Edward Saltz, both of whom were killed in Iraq. On December 22, 2003 an explosive device hit their Humvee.

“When they were hit with that blast, (Moore) was driving, and Saltz was behind him. They took the brunt of that blast, and you can imagine how horrific that aftermath was from there,” Belen said.

To find closure with their loss, Belen personally disposed of the uncleaned vehicles seats in a burn pit.

“I didn’t know how I’d have the strength to see it, but I knew I needed that peace,” Belen said.

As you watch him create a flag, you’ll notice he never paints the white stripes for that reason. Instead, they are torched.

Jose Belen finds meaning while painting the color red. (Spectrum News/Pat Welter)

Painting the red is the hardest part.

“The color red never doesn’t mean red for me and for a lot of us,” Belen said. “To be able to paint the color red and not stop. I was able to continue because I thought of that moment down there. I thought of all of them.”

'Seats for Soldiers'

The colors have deep meaning for anyone who's ever worn the uniform. This April, the Orlando Magic found a way to pay tribute, too.

“The significance of all of this is coming at a time when I’m seeing it myself after the display of what I call a win for humanity by the Magic,” Belen said.

He’s sitting in his garage; his Army camouflage uniform is hanging to his right. Not far past that is a black Orlando Magic jersey with his last name on the back.

Jose Belen’s Orlando Magic jersey from the "Seats for Soldiers" game. (Spectrum News/Pat Welter)

The story behind that dates back to 2019, when he had the idea to create a safe space for veterans at Magic games.

“How many times was I invited to professional sports games with free tickets, friends, people I trusted, but how many times did I go? Zero,” Belen said.

He believes many veterans don’t want to attend sporting events because there's a fear that their PTSD will be triggered. So for St. Patrick’s Day 2019, he helped the Magic organize a Veterans Night Out. More than 100 veterans attended. During the pandemic, he got the team involved with Veteran's Happy Hour Zoom calls he was hosting. In February, Nick Anderson, Bo Outlaw and a Magic executive participated.

“For the Magic to come on and the players to share in unison and us with them (meant a lot),” Belen remembered. “They stayed on for the entire 2 1/2 hours and heard the stories, heard the tears.”

That led to a discussion about how they could honor veterans at their "Seats for Soldiers" game last week on April 18.

In a special pregame ceremony during the playing of taps, players from the Magic held jerseys with the names of fallen soldiers on the backs either killed in action or by suicide. Four were from Belen’s unit: Stuart Moore, Edward Saltz, David Mckeever and Du Hai Tran. Several families were in attendance to accept the jerseys in person.

“I think like a lot of people, I come from a family of people who are and did dedicate their lives to our country through being in the military,” Magic head coach Steve Clifford said after the game. “For me, it’s what they do, they allow us to live the lives that we lead.”

“It’s just always good to show appreciation,” Magic guard Dwayne Bacon said. “Those guys did so much for the country for the people in the country, sacrificed their families, their lives, to better this world and to be out there for us.”

Belen was honored during the broadcast as well for his service. That moment was special for him, but nothing compared to meeting Dylan Mckeever who was just 1 year old when his father died serving with Belen in Iraq.

Jose Belen and Dylan Mckeever at the "Seats for Soldiers" game. (Courtesy of Jose Belen

“Being able to say your father is a warrior,” Belen said. “Things that this kid could only imagine that up until this point, it’s been in photos. The responsibility I have in conveying that message is life-changing.”

A Reason to Live

Back in Belen’s garage, he puts the finishing touches on a flag. The white spray paint coats over a stencil of stars that fade over blue.

“I don’t strive for perfection in any of my flags. I encourage people to look for mistakes,” Belen said. “The flag is a representation of the people. None of us are ever going to be perfect.”

He knows he can’t end veteran suicide alone, but he believes we can together. Belen understands that service members died for these flags he makes. He lives for them.

“These flags are my way of taking that pain and turning it into art, into life, love and remembrance.”